ASI PRESS – Two middle-aged cicaks were found dead yesterday in a toaster in Southeast Asia in what officials are labeling a “gruesome, crispy accident.”
The discovery was made after the owner of the toaster, Anthony, an American who works and resides in Southeast Asia, was unable to retrieve a Pop Tarts brand apple strudel he was preparing for breakfast. “I knew something was wrong when the Pop Tart on the left side popped up with no problem at all, but the one on the right just stayed in there. I assumed it was a normal case of the Pop Tart sliding off the poppy-uppy metal bar on the bottom. Boy, was I wrong.”
Anthony made several failed attempts to retrieve the Pop Tart using two plastic spatulas. After being made fun of by his wife, he proceeded to turn the toaster up side down over a paper towel placed in the sink. “There were more raisins in there than I realized,” remembers Anthony, “and then finally my Pop Tart plopped out into the sink. Everything was fine until I causally looked into the toaster slot. That’s when my morning changed forever.”
What he discovered were the charred remains of two cicaks. Officials have yet to identify the bodies. “We tried to check the victims’ sticky pads against files in our database. Problem is, there is currently no database of cicak prints,” commented Captain Nick Batista of the Species Victims Unit. “Rest assured, the creation of a cicak database has now become priority number one in my department.”
The incident has left Anthony with more questions than answers. “Why didn’t I look before I stuck my Pop Tart in there? My hunger blinded me. You know what the saddest part is? Had my wife been making the Pop Tarts this morning, maybe the little guy would still be alive. She doesn’t toast her Pop Tarts; she eats them right out of the package. I know, crazy, right? Look, I understand if you’re on a trip or something. That’s fine. It’s hard to find toasters in the Smokey Mountains. Our toaster at home is like 2 steps from the cabinet! But God help me I love that woman.”
Cheek Pinkerton, a cicak who lives two drawers over from the toaster, had this to say about the accident: “Terrible. Simply heartbreaking. You hear incredible tales of survival all the time – my Uncle Stan has gone through 3 tails… three! Same kid every time. But this… you don’t drop tail and run from something like that. Poor guys had no chance, what with that huge monstrosity of a pastry on their heads and those torturous death coils all around. Oh well, circle of life I suppose.”
September 19, 2008
September 09, 2008
It's the tastiest time of the year...
Every year during the month of Ramadan, “Ramadan Markets” spring up everywhere.
Ramadan is the month when Muslims worldwide fast from sun-up to sun-down.
The markets are there so folks can go and get food that’s ready to eat when the “bell” goes off at sunset. The normal dinnertime here is around 8:30 or 9pm which is after the last of the 5 prayers of the day. But during Ramadan people eat before the 4th prayer of the day around 7:20…so they’re schedules are a bit different. It’s much easier to just buy food…added to that is you don’t have to smell or be tempted by the food you’re cooking! So as soon as the time is marked you dig in. The food at the Ramadan Markets is good, there’s a big variety, and best of all it’s cheap.
It smells soooo good! Like a wonderful mix of barbeque and the fried food section at a county fair.
You can get sweets, barbequed meats (no pork!), drinks, fried breads, kebabs, and noodle dishes.This is a local thing… the sweet juice is squeezed right out of the sugar cane. We tried it…waaaay too sweet!Isaac has had a fun time looking at all the people and just taking it all in... after he woke up that is...
Ramadan is the month when Muslims worldwide fast from sun-up to sun-down.
The markets are there so folks can go and get food that’s ready to eat when the “bell” goes off at sunset. The normal dinnertime here is around 8:30 or 9pm which is after the last of the 5 prayers of the day. But during Ramadan people eat before the 4th prayer of the day around 7:20…so they’re schedules are a bit different. It’s much easier to just buy food…added to that is you don’t have to smell or be tempted by the food you’re cooking! So as soon as the time is marked you dig in. The food at the Ramadan Markets is good, there’s a big variety, and best of all it’s cheap.
It smells soooo good! Like a wonderful mix of barbeque and the fried food section at a county fair.
You can get sweets, barbequed meats (no pork!), drinks, fried breads, kebabs, and noodle dishes.This is a local thing… the sweet juice is squeezed right out of the sugar cane. We tried it…waaaay too sweet!Isaac has had a fun time looking at all the people and just taking it all in... after he woke up that is...
September 01, 2008
Our Florasian
Oh how we miss America sometimes!
Fall and football season just aren’t the same here in Southeast Asia!
Even though Isaac has never been to America, and probably won’t watch any American football games until next fall, we as his parents can do some of those “little things” that make US feel more like we’re back in the US. Like, dress up our kid in football paraphernalia and take pictures. It looks like he's trying to get into a 3-point stance in this pic.He looks soooo American in these pics don’t ya think?And no, the tears are not because he doesn’t like the University of Florida.
The tears are because, well, when I went to change him into the t-shirt he was already a bit cranky from the Miami part of the photo shoot. Then the t-shirt got stuck on his head. I’m soooo not kidding when I say stuck.He was crying.
I was giggling.
While trying to get his head through, I was thinking back to last week when we took him to the doctor. The pediatrician had to re-measure his head because he thought his assistant had gotten it wrong. Nope. It’s just that big, Doc.
“Big head, big brains.” Is what we say.
Anyway, after I got his 6 month old head through the 12 month-sized shirt, I managed to get at least one semi-happy pic!
But then, even a couple hours after the pictures, our American-looking baby continued to cry. He was just cranky all day.
So our neighbor came to the rescue with her “buaian” (bwoy-I-ahn)
Yolanda watches Isaac while we go to language class and last week she told us he slept so peacefully in it.Yesterday, she offered to let us borrow it (except when we’re in class and then she’ll use it on him) because we told her he had been crying all day. We had hesistated in buying a buaian back when he was born because he hated nearly every single man-made thing known to babies; pacifiers, bouncy chairs, baby bjorn, carseats, bumbo chair, and even his stroller at times. So we didn’t want to buy something else and waste our money.
Oh goodness have we been missing out! We stopped right before we struck gold!
Isaac goes from crying to, well, sleeping like he’s supposed to, like a baby, within 3 or 4 bounces of this thing. Maybe he resisted all the other stuff because they were so western!? Maybe he’s more Asian than he looks! Whatever the case we’re buying one of these for us…er…for Isaac, real soon!And just for good measure, here's one last pic of Isaac showing his Florida side. Anthony gave him an orange and he LOVED it!
Fall and football season just aren’t the same here in Southeast Asia!
Even though Isaac has never been to America, and probably won’t watch any American football games until next fall, we as his parents can do some of those “little things” that make US feel more like we’re back in the US. Like, dress up our kid in football paraphernalia and take pictures. It looks like he's trying to get into a 3-point stance in this pic.He looks soooo American in these pics don’t ya think?And no, the tears are not because he doesn’t like the University of Florida.
The tears are because, well, when I went to change him into the t-shirt he was already a bit cranky from the Miami part of the photo shoot. Then the t-shirt got stuck on his head. I’m soooo not kidding when I say stuck.He was crying.
I was giggling.
While trying to get his head through, I was thinking back to last week when we took him to the doctor. The pediatrician had to re-measure his head because he thought his assistant had gotten it wrong. Nope. It’s just that big, Doc.
“Big head, big brains.” Is what we say.
Anyway, after I got his 6 month old head through the 12 month-sized shirt, I managed to get at least one semi-happy pic!
But then, even a couple hours after the pictures, our American-looking baby continued to cry. He was just cranky all day.
So our neighbor came to the rescue with her “buaian” (bwoy-I-ahn)
Yolanda watches Isaac while we go to language class and last week she told us he slept so peacefully in it.Yesterday, she offered to let us borrow it (except when we’re in class and then she’ll use it on him) because we told her he had been crying all day. We had hesistated in buying a buaian back when he was born because he hated nearly every single man-made thing known to babies; pacifiers, bouncy chairs, baby bjorn, carseats, bumbo chair, and even his stroller at times. So we didn’t want to buy something else and waste our money.
Oh goodness have we been missing out! We stopped right before we struck gold!
Isaac goes from crying to, well, sleeping like he’s supposed to, like a baby, within 3 or 4 bounces of this thing. Maybe he resisted all the other stuff because they were so western!? Maybe he’s more Asian than he looks! Whatever the case we’re buying one of these for us…er…for Isaac, real soon!And just for good measure, here's one last pic of Isaac showing his Florida side. Anthony gave him an orange and he LOVED it!
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